Category Archives: Relationship building

Part 2: Igniting passion in others

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People have to want to be passionate before you can help them ignite passion. Here are 4 ways you can help ignite that passionate spark in others:

Listen

The power of listening is SO underrated! I bang on about genuine listening a lot!
Sometimes the simple act of listening can generate passion through the knowing that someone is interested in what they say. Talking about things that are important to you get you more and more excited and inspired – it is so much better if you have someone who listens to you!

Personally, I love nothing better than when someone is talking about what they love and their eyes get that twinkle and after a couple of minutes they radiate their passion!

Help them succeed

Once you know what the persons interests and loves are (through listening) think about where you can help them succeed. Is it connecting them to someone who you know who has similar passions? Can you help them with their resume/blog/goal setting? There are so many way that we can contribute and add value to others lives!

Be a role model for passion

Sometimes the simple act of being passionate is enough to generate passion in another person. They will be drawn to you and you can help them through the act of listening and then helping them succeed. Be someone worth emulating!

How have you ingnited passion in others? How have others ignited passion in you?

Creating action

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One challenge that I consistently face is the lack of action from groups. This is common and challenging to manage in my role as I have no direct influence over groups.

At the outset groups appear positive about change management activities. We discuss communications and training (and their importance); what type of resistance they may encounter (and how we can mitigate the resistance); and identify the change team. We write a communication plan/schedule and training plan incorporating what we have discussed. And then it stops. Nothing happens. So how can this be changed?

1. Ask: ask the change team that you are working with to determine what the issue(s) may be. This may be uncomfortable. It requires honest and frank conversations that address the ‘elephant in the room’. Just remember that groups may not be willing to have these types of conversations (depending on the team you are working with or the culture you are working within). Also, groups may give you a reason that is actually not the reason at all.

2. Work out what the block is: If you have asked and received an honest answer that may be the block. If the group is still not moving forward with activities, the block has not been uncovered. Spend some time brainstorming what the block may be – some blocks may be:

  • Are they unclear on the tasks to be executed? 
  • Do they think the roll-out will not happen?
  • Do activities need to be streamlined/adjusted/changed?
  • Are they confused with where to start?
  • Are they feeling unsupported?

3. Ask again: once you have thought a bit about why things are not happening, take your thoughts back to the group and discuss. Ask them how we can move. Expect a little resistance – this will make people uncomfortable.

4. Repeat: you may need to repeat all of these steps until you uncover the reason for inaction.

It is most important throughout all of these steps is to not be angry, flustered or annoyed. It can be frustrating when nothing is shifting – but there is a reason for it. Make sure that you handle the situation through listening and reaffirming your commitment to the change.

A very poignant quote to share here is: ‘If you want to create a different future, you have to have a different conversation’ – Peter Block. If we don’t have the authority to move groups we need to do it differently – with our conversations, words and actions. We have to get our hands dirty by delving into conversations where we don’t know what the outcome will be, be present with the conflict and seek to move people to action.

How do you work with groups that simply won’t move? How can we apply this to our own personal changes? Are there any other actions we can take?

Supportive?

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If you are in a support role you need to be supportive.

People come to you who need you. People rely on you. People will stumble without you. You make a difference.

I had an experience a couple of weeks ago which I simply cannot understand. I am working on one of my own personal change projects and I employed the services of  two people to provide me with a level of support that I needed. Yet they did not provide any support – they gave me information and walked away.

Now people…that is not support! Support is the willingness to help you with what you need. Support is getting down in the trenches with you.

Support is not just a cheer squad, or the occasional phone call.

Here are some ways people can be supportive:

  • Help put together an action plan
  • Help establish workable ways to achieve goals
  • Listening, providing feedback and keeping people accountable
  • Providing information in the context of the situation

I truly believe that if people are not willing to give their all to be supportive then they should not enter support based positions/careers.

How do you interpret support? What is important to you?

Self-improvement: Part 6 – Network

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When you first think of networking you think of people simply swapping business cards or adding each other to your LinkedIn contacts.

I was nervous about the concept of networking let alone the getting out and actually meeting up with people who I don’t know.

I now network and I actually enjoy it. I enjoy forming relationships with others – sometimes the meet-ups don’t go great but I have had absolutely awesome meetings as well.

One I had just recently lead me to totally change the perception of the way that I look at the work that I am doing. It was exciting and I am still buzzed about it 6 weeks later.

Networking can make a difference and can, without a doubt, add value to what you do. You also have the value to make the difference to another persons life by discussing their issues and concerns – I like to treat them like a joint mentoring type of meeting…they add value and you add value.

How has networking worked for you? How often do you network? Do you like networking or do you see it as a necessary evil?

The power of relationships

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I bang on about relationships a fair bit. Without good relationships we become pretty ordinary change managers.

Everyday I am learning something new about relationships and I am reminded of their importance. Relationship building is more than playing nice with others. Well-formed relationships can lead to a strong collaborative change effort.

It is easy to form relationships when both parties want to participate and get involved. It is a lot harder when there is resistance from the person who you are trying to build a relationship. Here’s some tips of what can you do in that situation:

  1. Listen. Truly listen. What are their barriers? What is holding them back?
  2. When you think you have listened enough, listen some more…sometimes it takes considerable time to find out why they are so reluctant to trust and participate in a relationship.
  3. Accept the contribution that they are willing to give to the relationship. Any little bit of effort, time, or trust is enough to start working with.
  4. Get on with the job at hand: sometimes they simply need to see proof of how you work before they choose to get further involved.
  5. Keep your promises – I bang on about this one a lot as well…it is critical in any relationship that you deliver what you promise, otherwise no trust can be generated.

How do you make relationships a priority? Is there anything that you would like to add to the above list?

Fake it ’til you make it

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That saying really grates on me – it’s the word fake that I dislike. I believe that we should be authentic at all times and I don’t think that ‘faking it’ fits in the person that I want to be. We get the gist of what the saying is trying to convey though…

There are times where we need to look at ourselves and the image that we are conveying to others. If we are run down and show up tired and with no energy are we sharing that message to others? What if we have had a stinking argument with our partner and bring that with us? Yuk.

We need to be able to compartmentalise – this is not faking, lying, or pretending to be something that you are not. It is learning to put aside what is happening to us and around us for a time when it can be dealt with. Life happens. Things happen around us and to us. But we needn’t colour others experience with us in a negative way. Aim to have positive dealings with people at all times regardless.

So don’t fake anything. Be your wonderful multi-faceted self, but be careful to choose the best of you given the moment.

Weekly discovery: Celebrate the differences

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The year is almost finished – can you believe it???!

In this month of celebrations let’s think about celebrating what makes us different.

I love difference – it can be liberating, exciting and difficult, yet it is what makes what we do unique. It should be viewed that difference is not right or wrong – it just is – and should be seen as being beautiful.

Change management is becoming an area where you can now do formal training or be ‘certified’ – moving towards formal recognition and an element of control over the industry (if done well) is great. But what I want to celebrate here is the difference that change manager/change agents make at the coal face.

Some of those unique aspects are:

  • We relate to people each in our own way
  • We follow the methodology that we have been exposed to and the difference in that methodology from another is not important
  • We make a difference to others in our own way
  • We display our passion for change in our own way.

I am sure that you can think of other reasons to celebrate our differences. I hope we never stifle what makes us different and unique.

Celebrate you today…

Authentic networking

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Networking is one of those words which sends shivers down my spine. It seems such a cold and superficial word.

I have been the target of people who have seemingly had a decent conversation with me and then called me two days later to see what work they can do for my organisation. I makes me feel used and abused.

Is there any such thing as authentic networking? I would like to think so. I like the opportunity to actually build relationships with people. It was a pleasant change when I met with Bill Synnot and we chatted about change for about an hour – it was great! It was someone who is an expert in his field taking the time out to speak with me and share his knowledge. Thanks for your authenticity Bill!

How do you like to ‘network’? We all need contacts and people who we can call on – there is no doubt about that but I think that we really need to think about the work that we do to foster a relationship where it is a fair exchange. Giving out a business card is not fair exchange.

So how can we build these relationships? It really does take time, effort and compromise. We need to schedule it in. We need to bring something to the table – you don’t get something for nothing.

I would love to hear how you network and build critical relationships…please share :-)

How to do change when you can’t do change

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Confusing? Let me explain…

We are familiar with the complex politics, boundaries and resistance to change (even at the mention of the word change!) – how can you ‘do’ change when it is not acceptable to do change?

Just call me ninja :-)

Currently I have a unique role – I am sent in to business units to assist them with mapping their business processes. This is the first step that our section takes when a business unit is looking to build or buy a solution. We have to know what we currently do as a business before we can choose/build a solution to support the business. I get the opportunity to see how a business unit currently does things and how they want to do things. I get to see the change very early on in the process – and yes, I know that I am lucky to be involved so early.

One of the great things about my role is that I can start change conversations as soon as I see what the change will be – have they thought about talking to this stakeholder group? How about we start thinking about who will be impacted? Can we start communicating the great work that we are doing here?

Is it cheeky? Not really. Manipulative? Not at all. But it is a way ‘doing’ change without labelling it as such. What I truly care about is the people involved and if I know that starting these conversations is going to help them, then I will do it and I will do it their way, a palatable way.

Working with groups which find change ‘fluffy’, unnecessary or unpleasant the aim is to make the change better than what has been done before – that may simple mean that the business unit is actually telling people that a change is coming – celebrate that win as a change agent! Slowly, people will see that involving others and doing this change stuff is not so bad! It will become part of your culture. In some cultures it does take time (a lot of time!) – become a ninja and get it started….

Introverts

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I have a confession. I am an introvert.

I often get asked how I find being an introvert when my job is to work with people. There are a lot of  misconceptions about those who are introverts and they are often written off as loners, unfriendly, and party poopers.

This is really unfortunate but I know I have battled these perceptions for many years. I do love time on my own (it is the best way for me to re-charge) and I don’t like to attend many parties – this is tough when you are married to an extrovert and his family are all extroverts!

But there some of the benefits of being an introvert I have found in my work are:

- I don’t need to be the centre of attention – therefore when I meet with you you are the centre of my attention.

- My listening skills are one of my strongest skills

- I have an excellent ability to concentrate for long periods of time

- I am very responsible

- I am loyal to my clients and those I deal with – I want to make sure that you are looked after

- I am self-reflective

These are all important qualities when working in change.

Being an introvert does not mean that you are poor at dealing with people – I believe it is quite the opposite! While the intial meeting with people can be daunting for an introvert, you will find that they plan well before they meet with you and are simply only interested in you.

I have worked in many situations where others have not been able to build rapport with the client – I do not tend to have that problem. I believe it is because the focus is on them and what I can do for them.

We shouldn’t be too quick to write off introverts in the arena of change, these individuals have a lot to offer and could be the right people to build and nurture relationships through the change process and work hard to ensure that all stakeholders are heard and managed.

One important aspect that an introvert must keep on top off is their energy levels – because we tend to pour a lot of energy into meeting with people, we have a greater need to recharge – for me this often means balancing out my meetings with time where I can work in a quiet location without disruption.

Hug an introvert today…actually – that may not be a good idea – maybe give them a bit of space :-)