Why do you find yourself sometimes motivated about solving a certain problem and why do you sometimes find yourself helpless?

Why would the same person face certain problems with courage but finds himself feeling helpless in the face of other ones?

I kept searching for answers to these questions until I discovered some few facts about helplessness that can help anybody avoid this unpleasant state.

In this article I will tell you about the 7 things you can do to combat helplessness:

1)      Equip yourself with knowledge: One of the main reasons you sometimes feel helpless in the face of a problem is not knowing what to do in order to solve it. The more you read and the more knowledge you acquire the less times you will find yourself feeling helpless.

2)      Learn how to learn: Most probably no one will ever be able to read about all life problems and be prepared to face them anytime. Often times we find ourselves facing new challenges that we know nothing about and this is where the second skills comes into play. You need to learn how to learn about the solution instead of lying helpless in bed. This could be as simple as googling the answer, reading a book, asking a friend or seeking expert advice.

3)      Don’t become an Ostrich: When an ostrich feels anxious it buries its head in the ground and the same thing exactly is done by many people. Some people run to drugs, alcohol or any other escapement method in order to burry heads instead of facing the problems. As long as you are escaping you will be helpless and you wont feel powerful until you start facing the problems you have.

4)      Have time: How many times have you suffered for weeks or months until you found time to search for a solution to a problem and managed to get over it successfully?  Not having enough time to combat your major problems as soon as they appear is the same as not knowing what to do. Both lack of knowledge and lack of time to search for the knowledge can make you helpless.

5)      Forget about the past: Another strong reason that make people become helpless is being stuck in their past. Being stuck in the past means thinking that the only possible solutions to problems are the ones that have been tried in the past. Forget about the past failures and think of brand new possibilities in order to not feel helpless.

6)      Get rid of False beliefs: This is the most dangerous factor of them all. Sometimes a person might form a false believe such as “there is no hope” after he fails to peruse a certain goals. False beliefs don’t only make you helpless but they limit your potential and prevent you from reaching goals that you are able to reach.

7)     Have faith in your abilities: Have faith in your abilities and skills by remembering the tough problems you have been able to solve earlier and if even if you solved nothing its still not too late to create the “problems I managed to get over” journal which can help you have faith in yourself in the future.

Thanks for the great post Farouk!

Founder of http://www.2knowmyself.com/

Is there one thing that you have been unable to achieve, the one goal that you have been haunted by year after year?

Here are some ways we can continue to fail to achieve that elusive goal:

Have a fuzzy picture of where you want to go

When we have a goal that we want to achieve yet fail to achieve time and time again often we can’t visualise how that change looks in our life – really, what would I look like 40 kilograms lighter? What would I look like and act like when I am a CEO? What do I look like with the career of my dreams?

To succeed, we need to get a vision of our ‘future state’ as clear as possible. Here are some ways we can do it:

• Create a vision board / book

Clip pictures, Photoshop images, take any image you can and manipulate them to fit the exact image you see in your mind. Add to these images as your picture becomes clearer. Revisit your vision board as often as possible – if not daily, weekly. To experience the power or visualisation you should picture your goal first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Imagine if you made a little A5 vision booklet that you carried with you that you could pull out at any time. Now that’s do-able!

• Break it down

Goals can just seem so big and overwhelming. Losing 40 kilos or becoming a CEO can be achieved in small baby steps. Once you have broken that goal into smaller more achievable chunks, get a picture in your mind (or in your vision booklet) of what it would look like to achieve that smaller goal. Set to achieve that goal.

• Write down and clarify your vision

Sometimes goals cannot be easily represented in pictures. Write down what you feel and see when you achieve your goal. Write as if you have achieved that goal. Write with emotion and colour. Continue writing for as long as you can. Keep that with you in your wallet and pull it out when you can and read it. Re-write it at intervals when you feel that you need to focus your vision some more.

Scatter your focus

When we neglect to focus on a goal it is just like we expect that it will happen regardless of how much or little effort we put into it.

Um, no – it doesn’t quite work that way! And we know it!

Achieving a goal takes effort and a tremendous amount of focus. If you are not focused and become tired on your quest you will fail.

Here are some ways to remain focused:

• Plan

Plan, plan, plan. Plan for those times when you will be tired. Plan for how you can move through life when life wants to get in the way of your goals. If you do not plan, your good efforts can be derailed by little things.You loose your balance and fall away from your goal.

• Review your vision

As mentioned earlier, frequent review of your vision board / booklet and your written vision can pay real dividends. Images are incredibly powerful and really do speak 1000 words.

• Indulge in what gets you inspired

It might be music (Katy Perry’s song ‘Firework’ is a great one), videos, or walking on the beach. There are so many things which can inspire us to keep striving for our goals and refocusing us on what is important.

Lack desire

Lack of passion and desire to change is the biggest killer. If you have no desire to achieve your goal examine why you wanted to achieve it in the first place. Was it something that someone else wanted you to change? Has the goal changed?

Some ways you can get the desire and passion back:

• Revisit the goal

You may simply need to redefine the goal and create a vision which is appropriate. Once we refine the goal and create an appropriate vision we may get renewed passion.

• Turn it around

If you have to achieve a goal for negative reasons (such as if you don’t lose weight you will die) you have to connect the goal to something positive that you truly want. Turn it to the positive – negative, fear based motivators very rarely work. It might be hard work but put some effort into making it positive – write a list of all the reasons to achieve the goal – do that until you find a reason which resonates with your soul and brings tears to your eyes. Once you have that reason, create a vision and get it going.

• Throw it away

Throw the goal away if it does not fit the vision that you see for yourself. This is not a bad thing – it frees you to pursue your true passion.

No reason for change

So if you don’t know why you should change, why should you change?

Sometimes we need to change but we don’t know why we should change. Why should I give up smoking when I enjoy it? We know we should give up smoking because it causes cancer, but hey, I might be one of the lucky ones…

You need to find your own compelling reason to change. I am an ex-smoker. It wasn’t cancer, strokes or any other of the revolting things that smoking does to your health that got me to give up smoking. It wasn’t the cost of cigarettes either. It was the smell of cigarettes on my body and clothes that I couldn’t bear. When I had my baby I didn’t want him to smell like smoke. I gave up cold turkey the day he was born – 5 years ago.

Again, I recommend here exploring the reason, the true reason to change. You really need to explore this: write, draw, talk – do absolutely everything you can to find that cracking reason to change!

Continue to not know how to change

Knowing how to change and not having the ability to change are different things. Knowing is the theory about how to do something, ability is the application of that knowledge. You need both to make a change.

Most people who look to lose weight know what they need to do – eat less, exercise more. But it is not that simple. You need to be able to apply that knowledge – How do you cook low-fat? How do you exercise to maximise results?

So how can we do that?

• Seek the knowledge

Read, search the net, talk to others. More often that not you will be able to find information on how to learn that new language, become a tri-athelete, or master that software. Be like a sponge, soak up the information you need.

• Find resources or people who can help you apply that knowledge

Sometimes this can be a little tough. Honestly I don’t know how we did it before we had the internet! Any one remember those days????!! Wow!

Use social media, put the message out there you will be surprise at who will step up to help you apply that knowledge you have researched. Use LinkedIn, twitter, YouTube just to name a couple!

Do it on your own

You are not alone. You don’t have to do this on your own. As I mentioned above there are so many people out there ready to help and want to be involved in your mission. They want to help you!

Having someone assist you on your journey can keep you focused, support and they can give you ways and methods for achieving your goals. Your life and successes should be shared. Experiences are so much better when experienced with another. Reach out.

What goal is behaving like your nemesis? Can you see some things which you can apply from the list above? Is there anything that you would like to add to the list?

People have to want to be passionate before you can help them ignite passion. Here are 4 ways you can help ignite that passionate spark in others:

Listen

The power of listening is SO underrated! I bang on about genuine listening a lot!
Sometimes the simple act of listening can generate passion through the knowing that someone is interested in what they say. Talking about things that are important to you get you more and more excited and inspired – it is so much better if you have someone who listens to you!

Personally, I love nothing better than when someone is talking about what they love and their eyes get that twinkle and after a couple of minutes they radiate their passion!

Help them succeed

Once you know what the persons interests and loves are (through listening) think about where you can help them succeed. Is it connecting them to someone who you know who has similar passions? Can you help them with their resume/blog/goal setting? There are so many way that we can contribute and add value to others lives!

Be a role model for passion

Sometimes the simple act of being passionate is enough to generate passion in another person. They will be drawn to you and you can help them through the act of listening and then helping them succeed. Be someone worth emulating!

How have you ingnited passion in others? How have others ignited passion in you?

Over the next three of days I will be posting about ingniting passion. I will have a ‘chat’ about three areas:

• Igniting your own passion
• Igniting passion in others
• Using passion to facilitate change

Today…

Part 1: Igniting your passion

Regardless of how we change with time and experience the essence of our passion does not alter. Here are some ways you can discover and explore your passions:

Look to your childhood

A great start to finding your passion is to start with your childhood/teenage years although wanting to be a fireman may not have the same allure now as it did when you were a kid.

Using the fireman scenario though, let’s explore the essence of passion – how the heart of passion doesn’t change, and how we can ignite the same passion that we had as a kid.

• Climbing into burning buildings, risking your life for others and sitting around a firehouse seemed so alluring. But now we are older we can reflect and dissect what the essence is that we loved.
• Climbing into burning buildings: Was it the adrenalin rush? Was it the mystery of the unknown? Was it the reactive environment that sounded so intriguing?
• Risking your life for others: Did we want to be the hero? Was it the passion for service and helping others?
• Sitting around a firehouse: Do you like a lot of downtime? Do you enjoy being with others and sharing that brother/sister hood?

Once we can extract out what we liked the thought of we are well on our way to uncovering the wick which we can use to light our passion. Think about any hobby that you had, dream that didn’t eventuate and discover what it was that you loved.

Look to others

If you can’t remember what your passion was as a kid or scoff at the thought of what you loved, never fear there are many ways to explore.

What makes you go “Wow” when you hear about it or read about it? Would you like to try it? What is it that you like the sound of? Have you seen someone do or say something that has given you a tingle to the core? This could be passion stirring! Don’t ignore it…explore it!

Meditate

Meditation will clear your mind. It also has the ability to expand your mind. It connects you to your soul. Try doing it on a regular basis and see what opens for you.

Relax

If you focus too hard on finding your passion you will not always see it – a nasty trick? Perhaps many good things in life find us when we are not looking.

Relax with life, get out and experience as much as you can you may well trip over your passion!

How did you find your passion? Are you still searching?

I primarily established this blog to focus on business related change management – that is what I do and what I am passionate about. As I have worked more and more with people from small to large groups I have found that the methodology and tools that I use can be employed for both personal and business change.

Defining, refining and change

In business it is my job to go in define what the business does, refine the process, and then identify and facilitate the change. In our personal life we need to define our values, mission and vision, refine our goals according to what we want to be doing and then facilitate the change through a series of steps.

You will find that the way the content has been written on this blog has changed since I first started writing. Initially I had that real business focus. Now, you will find that there is not such a blunt focus on business change management – this doesn’t mean that I am moving from that focus, but I am introducing more observation and thoughts about personal change.

Understanding personal change can truly help you with business related transitions and changes – it makes the transformation much more powerful. Using tried and tested business change tools can accelerate your personal transformation!

I am looking forward to sharing this new direction with you!

A lot of the time when we set about making a change is to unconsciously assume that we need to do it on our own: we need to own the decision to change and be accountable for the outcome of the change, but we certainly do not need to do it on our own.

We need to plan more consciously for change. Support is critical and we need to be thinking more about who we can enlist to support us.

We should be thinking this way in all situations involving change (personal and business related change).

With support, you will be more likely to:

• Remain accountable
• Tweak and alter your activities to be more successful
• Achieve a successful outcome

Without support you will be more likely to:

• Let activities slip
• Miss valuable feedback
• Get behind in your planned activities

I challenge you today to find support for one goal/activity that you are trying to achieve. It is well worth reaching out!

How has asking for help assisted you in the past? Do you feel comfortable asking for help?

One challenge that I consistently face is the lack of action from groups. This is common and challenging to manage in my role as I have no direct influence over groups.

At the outset groups appear positive about change management activities. We discuss communications and training (and their importance); what type of resistance they may encounter (and how we can mitigate the resistance); and identify the change team. We write a communication plan/schedule and training plan incorporating what we have discussed. And then it stops. Nothing happens. So how can this be changed?

1. Ask: ask the change team that you are working with to determine what the issue(s) may be. This may be uncomfortable. It requires honest and frank conversations that address the ‘elephant in the room’. Just remember that groups may not be willing to have these types of conversations (depending on the team you are working with or the culture you are working within). Also, groups may give you a reason that is actually not the reason at all.

2. Work out what the block is: If you have asked and received an honest answer that may be the block. If the group is still not moving forward with activities, the block has not been uncovered. Spend some time brainstorming what the block may be – some blocks may be:

• Are they unclear on the tasks to be executed? 
• Do they think the roll-out will not happen?
• Do activities need to be streamlined/adjusted/changed?
• Are they confused with where to start?
• Are they feeling unsupported?

3. Ask again: once you have thought a bit about why things are not happening, take your thoughts back to the group and discuss. Ask them how we can move. Expect a little resistance – this will make people uncomfortable.

4. Repeat: you may need to repeat all of these steps until you uncover the reason for inaction.

It is most important throughout all of these steps is to not be angry, flustered or annoyed. It can be frustrating when nothing is shifting – but there is a reason for it. Make sure that you handle the situation through listening and reaffirming your commitment to the change.

A very poignant quote to share here is: ‘If you want to create a different future, you have to have a different conversation’ – Peter Block. If we don’t have the authority to move groups we need to do it differently – with our conversations, words and actions. We have to get our hands dirty by delving into conversations where we don’t know what the outcome will be, be present with the conflict and seek to move people to action.

How do you work with groups that simply won’t move? How can we apply this to our own personal changes? Are there any other actions we can take?

OK. It’s time to ‘fess up. I love the reality show The Biggest Loser. Other reality shows don’t interest me but Biggest Loser always hooks me in!

You hear a lot of complaints about how ‘It makes people believe that they can lose weight in a ridiculously short period of time’, ‘it’s disgusting’, ‘it is unhealthy’. To be honest, I don’t really worry about what people think about the show.

These are the things that I love about The Biggest Loser:

• Change: I love watching people change. It doesn’t matter who they are, where they have come from or what it is that they have to change. Watching the transformation is amazing!
• Reactions during change: People’s emotions and behaviours are so different. They progress at different rates and some get stuck and fall away. Watching this process fascinates and tears me up at the same time.
• Responses: I love watching the trainers and how they apply their ‘tools’ to move people through a difficult and very personal transition. They have to be plugged in at all times to each individual to set the right pace and know when to challenge them to get to the next step. Each trainer is different (you may not like every one of them!) and they work differently with people. With four trainers this year, it makes it very interesting to see the variety in the application of tools.

Essentially, on this show people are coming together to achieve one goal – weight loss. Yes health and fitness may also be a goal (just as important) I think it’s a secondary goal. So, even though these people are coming together to achieve the same goal their process, reactions, motivators are all different – I love that! To me that illustrates the multifaceted ‘face’ of change management and highlights our need as change leaders to approach change with a flexible and compassionate readiness for any situation that a change may throw at us.

You may hate these types of shows – that’s OK – but I challenge you to observe what is happening around you. Pick it apart and analyse it.

What shows do you enjoy and why?

She is not a superhero, but I believe that Anna Bligh (Queensland’s Premier) has saved many lives during the period of torrid weather which has hit the state over the past couple of months.

Many of you may not know who Anna Bligh is. What I want to focus on is her amazing ability to lead a state of people through a turbulent time (the actual flood and cyclone) and give a picture of an expected outcome.

Often, in business, the change is not welcome but it is necessary to move to a future state which may be fraught with uncertainty and fragility. This is the case with personal change as well – we know that we have to change, it will be painful and we can’t always see what the future state will be. Anna was able to move people through an incredibly uncomfortable time – preparing them, reassuring them, and supporting them on the other side of change.

Preparing

I was amazed at the language that Anna used throughout the floods and cyclone. I had never heard a politician use honest and real communication like Anna did. She told people what to expect. She gave all the information that people needed and warned people appropriately. She did not over-exaggerate or under-exaggerate – and I believe that this is what saved lives. People actually listened. They prepared accordingly. Their lives were saved.

She stirred the Queensland spirit and unified people.

Reassuring

While she was preparing people – telling them to expect to lose property and belongings, she was reassuring people that every step of the way they would have help through volunteer organisations, cash handouts and emergency services.

Support

Things moved quickly after the floods and cyclone. People worked together. Anna praised the efforts of all involved and supported the clean up. Her promises of services jumping to the aid of people were kept.

Anna was a change leader. I think people who are in the role of change leaders can model Anna’s behaviour by:

• Understanding the change: know what is coming and how it is expected to impact people.
• Get information from the experts and interpret that information in a meaningful way to your audience
• Show empathy and genuine caring: remind them that you are with them and do not be afraid to show your emotion.
• Be honest: tell them what is expected and what work is ahead – don’t sugar coat it but balance it out with reassurance.
• Reassure: explain what will be provided and what they will need to do, but be sure to explain where support will be and how it can be accessed.
• Stir the spirit: if you can do this, people will band together during turbulent times and provide support to others creating a ground-swell of activity and people working towards a common goal.
• Deliver what is promised:this really comes back to the honesty in your communications – if you promise something and you do not deliver, it will unravel all the good work that you have done – be vigilant!
• Communicate regularly: It blew me away that Anna had consistently regular media conferences regardless of how busy/tired/overwhelmed she may have been. She, and the experts she brought with her to the conferences, always answered questions and took the time necessary to get information out. Flawless.
• Repeat: Repeat these methods and behaviours over and over again.

Have you seen change leaders who have performed in exceptionally difficult situations? What behaviours did you feel warrant emulating?

Your wheels are turning and you are getting traction on your goals, but do you take the time to dream?

Why do I need to take the time to dream? Well there are a few good reasons:

• Help re-define your goals
• Help expand your goals
• Check that you are heading in the right direction.

Dreaming comes before we goal set, but do we really how to dream? We dream of losing weight, giving up smoking and other similar things that we want to improve. But what about those really big blue sky dreams that we have the ability to dream of. David Lermy wrote a guest post for Elevation Life and discussed the importance of Blue Sky days and the importance of getting ideas out of our heads then creating action. So how do we do the dreaming?

1. Make time for it: schedules some time to sit with a notepad and write down everything that comes into your head – you want to own a house by the sea, you want to go to 3 meditation retreats, anything…absolutely anything…
2. Review the list – don’t edit it yet: is there anything on the list that makes you really excited? Anything that pops out? Anything that you can group with like things?
3. Review your values: if you have these written down, run your eyes over your values before editing your dream list.
4. Edit your dream list: what are the 3 things that you would like to focus on. Maybe choose one short-term (1-2 months), one medium term (3-6 months) and one long-term one (1-2 years). Check that they are in line with your values before adding them to the edited list.
5. Check the 3 that you have chosen and write down some more detail around it: the detail should include the who, what, when, where and how the dream will be realised. If you want to be a motivational speaker write down why you want to be one, what you want to specialise in, how you will become one, when you plan to do your first talk.
6. Check again: sometimes the detail can reveal the real reason that you want to do something and you may not feel that this resonates with the person that you want to be. That’s OK. Go back to your dream list and choose another dream or play around with the one that you have chosen and see if there was an aspect that you hadn’t explored.

This is fun and can lead to some life changing avenues for you. Have you done a dream list? Do you regularly make time to put together dream lists?